The Cowboys (and Their Fans) Are the Worst Franchise in Sports (Written: 2020)

I wrote this a year ago in my sports commentary class I took as an elective my last semester of undergrad. The Prompt: I don’t care what you write about but be passionate.

Throughout my 22-year lifetime thus far, the Dallas Cowboys have been referred to as “America’s Team.” I do not know why or how this ever came to be a real thing, so I decided to do a little digging and here is what I have found.

            People from the state of Texas are, simply put, the most stubborn people on planet Earth. You cannot tell a Texan anything outside of Texas is better than Texas. They pride themselves on being the biggest and the best, but other than their waist size, there is little evidence for that. They pride themselves on not listening to other people and believing the Cowboys are one of the greatest franchises in the NFL still today.

            In the 2019 season, the Dallas Cowboy’s only beat two teams who had an above .500 record, the 9-7 Philadelphia Eagles (who lost in the first week of the playoffs) and the 9-7 LA Rams, who didn’t even end up making the playoffs. Not to mention blowing their 3-0 start to end their season by losing 4 of their final 6 games.

            This season is just as ugly, with a 2-4 record they are hardly beating the pitiful NFC bEast and their only two wins came from the 1-5 Falcons and the 1-5 Giants, only thanks to late game onside kicks and a brutal New York football performance.

Now, Rayne Dakota “Dak” Prescott (what a name), has got to be the most expensive disappointment in the making in NFL history, he’s already proving that. Regardless of his brutal injury, which I would wish on no one, we all knew in some way or another his early season passing success would only last so long and only bring so many games back into striking distance that is saved by a kicker. Unfortunately for him, even his own fans don’t think he is worth all the money he practically begged for. In a tweet by @twoshotspodcast, one of the hosts Joe Garcia said: “I am a huge Cowboys fan and even I can see Dak is not worth 175 mil.” It’s just sad.

This brings me to my next point. The Cowboy’s fans. If you start a sentence by saying “As a Cowboys fan” I might as well just walk away, I already know everything you are about to tell me is going to be ignorant nonsense followed by irrational team predictions and expectations. And speaking of nonsense, how about having faith in Andy Dalton?! The man has had AJ Green, Joe Mixon, Giovanni Bernard and never won a playoff game. Since his 5th season in the league he has gone 21-42-1 before he finally got kicked out of Cincinnati. This man is simply not a good quarterback anymore, he’s not a winner.

To take it a step further when it comes to below average, how about Jason Witten? Aside from his longevity, Witten has to be the most overrated player in the league’s existence. Most of his highlights are just pretty passes by his quarterbacks. He never won anything. All the man did was run slow routes and play almost every game. He’s the most average player the NFL has seen in recent history and for some reason we praise him for that. Even he had the conscious to not go back to Dallas when he returned to football though. Congrats on staying with one team and not getting hurt, I guess.

Dallas hasn’t won a Super Bowl since the 90’s, and for that matter, hasn’t had a full season of success since then either. That feat isn’t going to change anytime soon. Through the two most recent true franchise quarterbacks they’ve had since Aikman left (Romo and Prescott), while maybe one is a phenomenal commentator now, neither know how to be a leader, especially when it comes to crunch time and playoff success. 3-7 in the playoffs since the turn of the century is certainly nothing to boast.

To be fair, you can’t put it all on the quarterbacks, after all, defense wins championships. So maybe that’s to blame for their shortcomings? Allowing a league high THIRTY-SIX (36) points per game to opponents this year, Dallas sure does not appear to be stopping anyone from getting in the endzone. I’m sorry Dallas fans but Vander-Esch and Sean Lee injuries wouldn’t change this. For that matter, can anyone explain why Sean Lee is so hyped up when he is healthy? What has he done great at? He has two career forced fumbles and four sacks over his ten years in Dallas.

It’s a surprise to me that they even have those two wins so far this year having given up so many points. When a defense can’t stop any team from dropping 30 on them, there isn’t much else they can do either. This puts it all on the offense to shine, which of course, delights me to say, is just as dysfunctional.

One of the only glimmers of hope in sight has to be CeeDee Lamb. Already a young star, Lamb is putting up impressive rookie stats, establishing himself as one of the league’s premier future receivers. 

Now… Notice how I have not even mentioned the name Jerry Jones. I don’t even have to go into depth about how much of a mess he has caused not just for the Cowboys but across many other different avenues in the NFL. I almost feel bad for Dallas sometimes. It’s a shock to me that people still somehow refer to this sorry team as “America’s Team.” What America do those people live in? Not this one. Maybe because every other week they seem to get a Sunday Night Football spotlight game, who knows?

Reflection Notes (Present Day): While I will always hate the Cowboys I must have been in a weird mood when I wrote this cuz I remember pounding this out in like 2 hours with minimal pauses to fact check, I don’t know, I was on one. I have definitely chilled out but I remember getting a good grade on this and showing it to my family because it was so funny that I cared this much about the demise of the Dallas Cowboys. I now acknowledge that the Cowboys are a legit top 5 team in the NFL which sucks but if Dak were on any other team I’d love him so it’s whatever good for him I guess, I really do love watching him play now, might be MVP this year. They are undeniably a great team right now.

enjoyed finding this gem

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